Universal Gym Truths

By | 2016-01-14

No two gyms are exactly alike, but some things are true wherever you go.  A few of those things:

  1. Incorrectly racked weights.
    IMAG1246
    No matter how well the weights are labeled and their proper locations are marked, some asshole will put them back in the wrong place. Clearly, the 25 lb. dumbbells don’t go between the 45s and 55s, and the big plates don’t go on the same peg as the small plates. In a perfect world, someone caught doing this would have the blatantly mis-racked weight dropped on their foot. If I ever own a gym, better read the waiver carefully, because that’s gonna be in the rules.

  2. Broken equipment.
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    There is always at least one piece of equipment that is either completely broken or somehow not working correctly. This is true even if this is the first day the gym has ever been open. As a general rule, it will take management approximately half the lifetime of the universe to actually fix or replace the broken equipment. Note: Most often applies to cardio equipment.

  3. “You still using this?”
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    Unless you’re the only person in the gym, at some point in your workout, someone will always ask if you’re still using some piece of equipment. Dude, my towel is still on it. I’m still on it. Yes, I’m using it. And no, my walking to the water fountain does not mean I’m done.

  4. Never enough benches. img_4728-copy-2“You still using this” is particularly true when it comes to the bench. The bench is the most in-demand piece of equipment in the gym. (Unless you’re at a Planet Fitness, but that’s not really a gym). If S is the number of benches in the gym, and D is the number of dudes looking for a bench, then in any gym at any given time, S < D. Oh, and you can S my D if you think I’m giving up my bench. Wait your turn, bro.
  5. Curling in the squat rack.
    nocurlsinsquatrack
    When a piece of equipment has an exercise in its name, there is only one acceptable use for said equipment. Ipso facto, don’t curl in the fucking squat rack. You don’t see dudes doing shoulder presses at the preacher curl bench, which is where you should be doing your goddamn curls instead of taking up the only squat rack in the whole gym. Phew, getting a little amped up. Pre-workout must be kicking in. Time to lift!
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